Journey Up The Mountain
Constipated.
In lack of doubt.
In lack of dream.
I've been sick for days.
I've felt forgotten,
but the whole world reached out to me.
The heat.
The sweat,
pouring down my face.
Identity lost and itchy arms and body reigned.
Sacred, alone, and dying.
I've been so sick.
Nausea welling up within me.
Seeing the self.
I cannot bear to see the self sometimes.
Once, you saw me the other day.
Fever sweats.
I can't remember you now.
I wake every day a new born child.
and fear fills me.
Head high,
I speak to you in waves.
I secretly throw up daily
(secretly I am more cognoscente of you.)
I have not eaten for weeks now.
I walk beside you.
I am afraid,
pattern spun
that I am undone
I am afraid to be with you long.
To bitter to write.
To full of shame to love.
My weak smile.
I will crawl out of the pit or die.
I am naked now.
my genitalia hang freely.
I can not hide behind a shroud anymore.
Fake smile through glazed eyes.
My body faint.
I fall constantly.
fake smile to you.
I am sick.
I purge hourly.
I find no satisfaction in this,
Sometimes bearing nothing.
I will not be sad,
I am afraid.
I am not permitted suicide.
Sometimes I carry your weight,
although you bear me home.
I am not afraid to die.
Your eyes pierce me.
I walk in dream,
and you pierce me.
Sometimes I go to the mountain.
I see your secrets.
You pierce me harder still.
I am so sick,
So lonely.
Unless you hold me I am lonely.
I heard the other day how the earth was created.
They told me this-- on the mountain.
How you were created.
I lay my head to the rock.
It speaks to us when we find it.
Yellow Dessert mountain,
barren rock.
I go there often,
childless world.
But it told me well,
We are homeward bound,
torture traveled we.
I see home clearly now.
We will all be ragged,
Heads low,
Tired stroll.
Tears once afraid to fall now never cease to flow.
When you cannot stand
When you fall,
You will see me there.
I do not understand the meaning of hallucination anymore.
The sun always rises.
Tom told how the sun always rises.
I am afraid of Tom.
I am afraid to see the sun rise at midnight.
But soon, the sun will never cease to rise.
Sear us blindly.
Naked and exposed.
Someday I will tell you of the mountain,
I go there often.